i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So squirting runs in the family.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
