I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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