then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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