feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
