Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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