Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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