My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
