Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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