i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
