If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
