Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize