naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
