I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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