At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So vagazzling was a success
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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