we have pet lesbian snakes
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
