I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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