well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
