Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
