I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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