After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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