Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
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