Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
