Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
