And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
