you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
