I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
