You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize