she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
