It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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