Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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