OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I am available for nakedness
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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