I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
