She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
