the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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