So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
