It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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