I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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