I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
