I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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