I smell stomach acid.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You've changed since you got that strap on
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
