i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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