Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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