Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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