my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
