What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
