Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
ttyl tear gas
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
