(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
