Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Pants are for mortals
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
