i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
