i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
