When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
