Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
