I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
