Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
