my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
