I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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