I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I looked at my own cervix.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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