literally had 100 drinks last night.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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