i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
