i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
