just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
