You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
