she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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