There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
