i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
