Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
