At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize