really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
