I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
