I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
