I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
