Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
