One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize