it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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