my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
