Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
