There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
