No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
