this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
