fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
They have beer where we have blood.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
