I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
