My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
