Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
