My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
