I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
