why didn't you poke me back
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
