Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
