Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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