He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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