your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
