While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
