I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This baby is an asshole
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
