ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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