i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
