I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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