Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
