...so i touched it.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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