and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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