Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
