Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
