I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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