I CAN MOONWALK!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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