Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
