don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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