I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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