I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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