Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
