at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
