literally had 100 drinks last night.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
