whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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