I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
