I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
When are your genitals available?
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